A 🧵on loss. The more I tell this story, the more heartbreak, details and memories I dig up and so here it goes. I've never shared it out in public but the message in it, is to love hard, to love fiercely and to never settle.As a young punk ass kid who decided it was a good idea to pack up his life in the most beautiful city in the world, at the age of 17 and give it all way, to grow and to rekindle old relationships lost...At that age you think you know it all, so give it your best go and you find out, you have to grow up pretty quickly. A new country with new experiences as an older human still new to the world. The memories of England were few and far between as a kid travelling back and forth.The short of it was seeing my dad after my parents divorced at 15, I wanted my dad back in my life and so I did what I needed to. I packed up my life and gave it all away. My life in two bags, a one way ticket to the other side of the world...Little did I know that the grass is not always greener on the other side, especially when there's another woman involved in my dad's life. 7 months passed and that's where it all blew up...Barely 18, I was told I was no longer wanted around that neck of the woods and I had 2 choices. Go back home or go to a different country. (I've got that coveted British citizenship innit?) The world is my oyster I thought to myself...Fuck it, The Netherlands here I come. It was only when I was on the flight with £100 to my name, some clothes, a few of my books and my notebooks when it hit me. "Not even my dad wants me around" and so I harboured that thought for what feels like a lifetime...18 to 22 was the darkest patch of my life. Even though I managed to pull myself out of a shit show, depression, homelessness, living under a bridge briefly while you watch the world pass you by, in a country where you barely speak the language...The Netherlands made me see the world for what it truly is, without rose tinted glasses. It was a cold place. A place filled without love in most cases, but I still had a full heart (Even with a little bit of heartache in there)Luckily I managed to get in touch with some friends from the early 2000s that I met pre-social media. Good old forums. I don't think anyone will remember those places but we formed beautiful friendships 1000's of miles apart.I got back on my feet, got my shit together, stopped all of the destructive behaviours and secretly went back home a few times without the family knowing about what went down. They didn't deserve it anyways...I fell in a love with a girl, she was my soul. The very essence of my heartbeat and all of those travels back and forward between The Netherlands and South Africa bonded us like never before. She was my muse. She helped me find myself creatively, I was a great painter...My notebooks were filled with portraits and everything you could imagine. I believed she was the one. She believed it too and we were going to be together forever but what happened next, I'll remember forever...It was supposed to be my final flight back home. A surprise during Christmas, I only had 3 days to get home and if you've ever flown around that time you'd know it's an absolute nightmare. Delays and lost luggage and last minute cancellations...From Schiphol to Dubai, Dubai to Cape Town - It was all planned. I got to Dubai at 11pm. Unloaded and managed to have a shower. The layover was 3 hours, I'd be there in the early morning. Smooth sailing I thought...And that's when it happened. I got a phone call, the phone call I'd never wish on anyone. The voice on the other end was like a punch to the gut. Like my chest being ripped inside out and left on display for everyone to see...The beautiful soul of a woman who I was supposed to ask to marry me was killed in a head on car crash. 72 hours before Christmas, by a drunk driver. At 23 barely and adult, alone in an airport lounge waiting to board a flight.That day a part of me died and I know it won't ever come back and so I chose to keep these words with me, no matter what, no matter the hurt. I'm 35 and 12 years later it still crushes me, and so I just want you to love with everything you have...Love fiercely, love hard. Tell them. Stop playing stupid games. They can vanish in a heartbeat and it will haunt you for the rest of your life. They say time heals all wounds, time even grinds all mountains to dust, but certain things will never truly go away.

A 🧵on loss. The more I tell this story, the more heartbreak, details and memories I dig up and so here it goes. I've never shared it out in public but the message in it, is to love hard, to love fiercely and to never settle. ... As a young punk ass kid who decided it was a good idea to pack up his life in the most beautiful city in the world, at the age of 17 and give it all way, to grow and to rekindle old relationships lost... ... At that age you think you know it all, so give it your best go and you find out, you have to grow up pretty quickly. A new country with new experiences as an older human still new to the world. The memories of England were few and far between as a kid travelling back and forth. ... The short of it was seeing my dad after my parents divorced at 15, I wanted my dad back in my life and so I did what I needed to. I packed up my life and gave it all away. My life in two bags, a one way ticket to the other side of the world... ... Little did I know that the grass is not always greener on the other side, especially when there's another woman involved in my dad's life. 7 months passed and that's where it all blew up... ... Barely 18, I was told I was no longer wanted around that neck of the woods and I had 2 choices. Go back home or go to a different country. (I've got that coveted British citizenship innit?) The world is my oyster I thought to myself... ... Fuck it, The Netherlands here I come. It was only when I was on the flight with £100 to my name, some clothes, a few of my books and my notebooks when it hit me. "Not even my dad wants me around" and so I harboured that thought for what feels like a lifetime... ... 18 to 22 was the darkest patch of my life. Even though I managed to pull myself out of a shit show, depression, homelessness, living under a bridge briefly while you watch the world pass you by, in a country where you barely speak the language... ... The Netherlands made me see the world for what it truly is, without rose tinted glasses. It was a cold place. A place filled without love in most cases, but I still had a full heart (Even with a little bit of heartache in there) ... Luckily I managed to get in touch with some friends from the early 2000s that I met pre-social media. Good old forums. I don't think anyone will remember those places but we formed beautiful friendships 1000's of miles apart. ... I got back on my feet, got my shit together, stopped all of the destructive behaviours and secretly went back home a few times without the family knowing about what went down. They didn't deserve it anyways... ... I fell in a love with a girl, she was my soul. The very essence of my heartbeat and all of those travels back and forward between The Netherlands and South Africa bonded us like never before. She was my muse. She helped me find myself creatively, I was a great painter... ... My notebooks were filled with portraits and everything you could imagine. I believed she was the one. She believed it too and we were going to be together forever but what happened next, I'll remember forever... ... It was supposed to be my final flight back home. A surprise during Christmas, I only had 3 days to get home and if you've ever flown around that time you'd know it's an absolute nightmare. Delays and lost luggage and last minute cancellations... ... From Schiphol to Dubai, Dubai to Cape Town - It was all planned. I got to Dubai at 11pm. Unloaded and managed to have a shower. The layover was 3 hours, I'd be there in the early morning. Smooth sailing I thought... ... And that's when it happened. I got a phone call, the phone call I'd never wish on anyone. The voice on the other end was like a punch to the gut. Like my chest being ripped inside out and left on display for everyone to see... ... The beautiful soul of a woman who I was supposed to ask to marry me was killed in a head on car crash. 72 hours before Christmas, by a drunk driver. At 23 barely and adult, alone in an airport lounge waiting to board a flight. ... That day a part of me died and I know it won't ever come back and so I chose to keep these words with me, no matter what, no matter the hurt. I'm 35 and 12 years later it still crushes me, and so I just want you to love with everything you have... ... Love fiercely, love hard. Tell them. Stop playing stupid games. They can vanish in a heartbeat and it will haunt you for the rest of your life. They say time heals all wounds, time even grinds all mountains to dust, but certain things will never truly go away.