Nothing will radicalize a "Blue Dog" Democrat as much as the Building Permit process... Hello, is Bob around? No. Bob retired. I'm the new Building Inspector. Oh, that's too bad. Bob helped me build an addition. He'd help on the weekends then have a couple beers.
Yeah, Bob was a great guy... Anyway, just a real small job, but we want to do the right thing and get a permit. Just want to put up a deck off the back and my wife wants a fence for a little privacy. What's the fee up to these days? 50 bucks? How tall is the fence?
6 foot privacy fence. Well, you're in a historic district, so the maximum height of a fence is 4 feet. The house was built in 1984. How is that historic? The whole district is historic. Since your project will be visible from the exterior, you need to go to the Art Committee
(2 Months later) OK, I'm back. They won't let me build the fence and they're making me plant a tree in the front yard. But I still want to build the deck. OK. Let's take a look...you're in a wetland buffer zone. What are you talking about? This pond here is on the Inventory.
You need to get a wetland permit. That pond? Bob and I dug it when we put in the addition! I just want a deck to watch the sun set over it. Yeah, but it's a regulated wetland, so you need a permit to build within 100 feet of it.
Also, you need to do a survey to make sure there are no box turtles. It looks like turtle habitat. CRUNCH! Ker-PLOP! What was that? What was what? It sounded just like someone stepped on a box turtle then kicked it in a pond. I have no idea what you're talking about.
Anyway, you need a wetland permit. (2 months and $1500 later) OK, I got my wetland permit. Give me a Building Permit for the deck. Well, not so fast. We still have the issue of the illegal bedroom. What illegal bedroom? You never got a permit for the addition you built.
BOB HELPED ME BUILD IT!!!! Yeah, well, there's nothing on file here. The district was re-zoned in 2018, and the addition encroaches on the side yard setback. So you need to get a variance now to formalize the existing non-conformance. I just want a deck off my own house!
(Six months and $3000 later) I got the variance. Give me the permit. Like now. OK, you have all necessary planning and zoning approvals, so now the building permit is the last step. Thank goodness. So a couple things... No. No things.
The extra bedroom requires you to upgrade the septic. You'll need that designed. Fine. Just expand the existing. I don't care at this point. Well, you can't. There's a wetland there. We went through this...
($30,000 and 8 months later, after obtaining site plan approval, modified wetland approval & tree cutting approval, installing a new septic & mitigating the wetland issue.) I want my deck permit. Well, we need to get you a CO for the illegal bedroom first. Is there a subpanel?
Of course. Well, you need to replace all breakers with arc fault circuit interrupters. Also, you need to replace the insulation to get R21. I can't fit R21 in the existing 2x4 wall. Figure something out. You don't meet the latest Energy Code.
Why does the addition I built in 2002 have to meet 2020 Energy Code? Because you touched it, so now it needs to be updated. That's stupid. I don't make the rules, I just enforce them.
So...it looks like everything is finally in order. I just need the application fee for the Building Permit. $200 plus 2% of the estimated construction cost. Never mind. We're selling the house.